Writing through grief

The experience of grief and bereavement is emotionally, mentally, and often physically painful. As a result, it is an important step in the healing process to take time to reflect on your loss and how it has affected you. Experts agree that expressing emotion is unique to each person and that people need to grieve in their own way and time (NIH, 2017).

While talking to family, friends, professional counselors, and/or bereavement support groups can be helpful for coping, it can also be beneficial to have an outlet where you can express your emotions freely and privately (NIH, 2017). There is some research that suggests that writing can help those who are grieving and coping with loss process their feelings (Harvard Medical School, 2020; Lattanzi & Hale, 1985). Specifically, expressive writing about your grief promotes a space to explore emotions associated with your loss more deeply without worrying about how others might react to your feelings. People have reported that writing about grief can be “valuable,” “meaningful,” and that it helps you “feel better afterward” (Harvard Medical School, 2020).

If you are interested in writing through grief, consider creating a grief journal. To get started, it can be helpful to follow some journaling recommendations (Furnes & Dysvik, 2010; Harvard Medical School, 2020).

  • Be open and honest with yourself.
  • Focus on the experience of your feelings.
  • Have patience; start simple.
  • Don’t focus on spelling, grammar, or punctuation.
  • Write about anything that comes to mind; be spontaneous.
  • Write about how you feel and why.
  • Write for a few minutes a day a few days a week or for as long or little as writing feels good or helpful to you.

References

Furnes, B., & Dysvik, E. (2010). A systematic writing program as a tool in the grief process: Part 1. Patient Preference and Adherence, 10, 425–431.

Harvard Medical School. (2020). Writing to ease grief and loss. Retrieved from https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/writing-to-ease-grief

Lattanzi, M. & Hale, M. E. (1985). Giving grief words: Writing during bereavement. Journal of Death and Dying, 15, 45–52.

Sources: Allison Smith, M.S., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist; and Amy F. Kostelic, Associate Extension Professor for Adult Development and Aging

Social media post: While speaking to loved ones, a support group, or a professional will help with the grieving process, experts also recommend writing through the pain. Try keeping a grief journal to share your emotions in a safe space in which you don’t need to worry about others’ feelings.