Recognizing complicated grief

After the loss of a loved one, it is common to experience an intense period of loss in which we feel a variety of physical and mental symptoms including sadness, numbness, disbelief, guilt and even anger (ABCT, 2021; Mayo Clinic, 2021). Over time, we learn to adjust and accept the loss. We learn to revise plans and redefine our relationships with the person who died (ABCT, 2021). We will still hold our loved one in our hearts and minds, but the sadness and yearning should become less intense as we learn to live with loss (ABCT, 2021).

Sometimes the intense impact of a loved one’s death can be so painful that it can affect our ability to move forward. This is an example of complicated grief, also referred to as Prolonged Grief Disorder or Persistent Complex Bereavement Disorder (ABCT, 2021). Complicated grief involves an intensity of emotions that do not lessen over time, and in some cases, get worse (Mayo Clinic, 2021). Instead, the yearning, longing, and sadness persist and prevent you from healing. Complicated grief often includes constant reflection about the circumstances or consequences of the loss. You might also have thoughts about what might have been or what you could have done differently. People with complicated grief are often in disbelief. They cannot accept the death. They may stay extremely focused on reminders of their loved one and keep mementos close by so that they can see, touch, and even smell their belongings. People with complicated grief may develop excessive avoidance, have trouble regulating emotion, or develop addictions, obsessions, or feelings of isolation (ABCT, 2021). People with complicated grief may struggle with happiness and sense of purpose and with their identity and role in society as they believe this was tied to the person who died (ABCT, 2021). As a result, people have difficulty with daily living and normal routines. They may remove themselves from social situations. They may be overwhelmed with depression, sadness, and guilt and feel as if life is not worth living.

It is important to recognize complicated grief in yourself and in others. If you or someone you know is having trouble moving forward six months or even a year after a loss, it may be complicated grief (ABCT, 2021; Mayo Clinic, 2021). Contact a health-care professional if you or someone you know has intense grief and has trouble with daily routines. If you or someone you know has thoughts of suicide, talk to someone you trust, call 911, or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

References

Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies (ABCT). (2021). What is complicated grief. Retrieved https://www.abct.org/fact-sheets/complicated-grief/

Mayo Clinic. (2021). Complicated grief. Retrieved https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/symptoms-causes/syc-20360374#:~:text=This%20is%20known%20as%20complicated%20grief%2C%20sometimes%20called,people%20follow%20different%20paths%20through%20the%20grieving%20experience.

Sources: Allison Smith, M.S., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist; and Amy F. Kostelic, Associate Extension Professor for Adult Development and Aging

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